emotionally drained

Yesterday I had a call with my 'energy mentor and healing guide', the lady I have been having sessions with each month for a number of years now.

And after that call I felt absolutely and totally drained and exhausted.

You might be thinking we did a lot of energy work to clean toxic or unwanted energy, we were proactive in the session working through limiting beliefs or addressing negative thoughts or behaviours that have been holding me back.

We did none of that.

Yesterday, like with my last few sessions, I did a lot of talking and crying, and my mentor simply listened and gave me the space I needed to unleash and release.

Having a space where you can talk honestly and openly, allow the emotions to flow without worrying if you're making the other person feel uncomfortable, where you can be frank whilst knowing you will not be judged, only supported and heard... that's something truly special.

And even though we didn't use any of the tools at my mentor's disposal during the session, it was a deeply healing session.

Yesterday morning before my session, I was feeling fine, getting on with life, working, creating card readings, writing. However, the closer it came to the time for my session, the more I could feel myself getting emotional, sensing the wheels beginning to fall off. And barely before I could even say 'hello' to my mentor, the tears were already streaming down my face.

Everyone in a relationship, whether it be romantic, platonic or familial, will know and understand that they're tough. And I've recently been going through a particularly tough time in one of my relationships. Having a place where I can release and unleash, be heard and be seen, all without prejudice or judgement, that is something I don't take for granted. My mentor is one of the people in my life for whom I am deeply grateful. When I need tools to help me heal, we use them. When I need someone just to be there and hold space for me, that's what we do. Both are deeply healing. And both are, also, deeply draining.

When you are experiencing challenges in a close personal relationship, often it's really difficult to discuss those challenges openly with the person you're in the relationship with because both of you are emotionally invested in the relationship and in yourselves, and also because, often, the challenges are being created (or exasperated) by the other person in the relationship.

To be fully seen and heard without judgement, to voice your feelings and concerns frankly, truthfully and openly, often the person you would most like to turn to is the other person in the relationship with you. And yet, because they're involved, they simply cannot be impartial. And that's when I find my mentor, her kindness and her support, invaluable.

However, don't get me wrong, whilst yesterday was deeply cathartic, it was also deeply draining and exhausting. As my beloved granddad would have said, afterwards "I wasn't worth tuppence, I was spent". Everything I had planned for the afternoon I had to put aside for another day as I simply did not have the presence of mind or the energy to do anything. Even this morning, I still felt exhausted. And writing this blogpost... well, it's felt like (and you might have noticed) pulling teeth when, usually, the words just flow from me.

When we embrace the opportunity to better understand and appreciate the value of walking our healing journey, when we begin to understand and appreciate the concept of energy, both that around us and within us, then we often begin to understand and appreciate that a healing journey can be energetically and emotionally challenging.

Yes, there are times after a session and between sessions where I feel amazing, where nothing can pull me under, where I feel invincible. However, there are many times when I feel emotionally and energetically drained after a session. And, after years of walking my healing journey, I know to prepare myself in advance for feeling that way, by keeping my agenda clean for the rest of the day, by ensuring I have small deadline-free tasks to complete which, if I don't manage them, isn't the end of the world.

Often my husband, when he returns from work on a day where I've had a 1-1 session with my mentor, is shocked to see just how exhausted I'm feeling. He doesn't understand how a single meeting in the day can leave me feeling so drained, when he may have attended a number of meetings himself at work. Until you choose to walk your own healing journey, until you experience the power of healing for yourself, it's impossible to comprehend the impact that energy and emotional healing has on you. And whilst it can be draining and exhausting, it is deeply cleansing and enlightening. It's the cleansing and enlightening that changes you. The feeling of being drained of energy, that's temporary. It lasts a few hours, perhaps a couple of days. The cleansing and enlightening, however, that's with you for the rest of your life.

Personally I'd prefer to sacrifice a few hours, or a day or so, to feeling exhausted and drained when I know that, over the longer period, I'll feel lighter having released and let go of thoughts, beliefs, habits, patterns that have been holding me back, weighing me down, and pulling me under for too many years. Wouldn't you?