the in-between stage

There is a stage of growth that almost no one talks about. It isn’t exciting. It doesn’t feel expansive. And it certainly doesn’t feel like progress.

It feels awkward. Disorientating. As though something you relied on no longer fits, yet nothing new has taken its place yet.

This is usually the point where people decide they’re “going backwards”.

I know this stage well. I’ve met it in my own life more times than I can count, and I see it again and again in the people I work with. Not as a dramatic crisis, rather as a quiet discomfort that’s easy to dismiss or override. And that’s exactly why it matters. Because when this stage isn’t recognised, people don’t move through it, they circle back to what’s familiar. Not because it’s aligned, because it’s known.

The Mistake Most People Make Here

When growth starts to feel uncomfortable, the instinct is often to fix the discomfort rather than listen to it.

To push on.
To distract.
To explain it away.
To decide it must mean something has gone wrong.

Yet discomfort at this stage is rarely a problem to solve. More often, it’s information. It’s the signal that an old way of thinking, responding, or identifying yourself no longer fits as neatly as it once did. And because that old way has kept you safe, productive, or functioning, letting it loosen can feel surprisingly threatening.

Not consciously. Subtly.

So the mind looks for certainty. Familiar routines. Old patterns. Anything that restores a sense of “normal”. And if you don’t pause here, if you don’t become aware of what is actually shifting, you tend to rebuild the same structures in slightly different forms.

Different job, same exhaustion.
Different relationship, same dynamic.
Different spiritual practice, same self-doubt.

From the outside it looks like movement. From the inside, it feels oddly repetitive.

The In-Between Space We’re Rarely Taught to Sit With

There is always a gap between who you’ve been and who you’re becoming. It’s not a void, and yet it can feel like one if you’re not expecting it.

In this space:

• old certainties wobble

• familiar coping strategies lose their effectiveness

• things that once motivated you feel hollow

And because there’s no immediate replacement, the nervous system reads this as instability.

This is why people often abandon growth work right here. Not because it isn’t working, because it is. What’s dissolving hasn’t been replaced yet. And that waiting period, that not-knowing, is deeply uncomfortable for a mind that likes clarity, labels, and forward momentum.

Why Rushing This Stage Creates Long-Term Friction

If you rush to fill the gap, you usually reach for what’s already available to you. Old beliefs. Old habits. Old versions of “who I am”. They may look different on the surface, however they’re built from the same internal material. And this is where identity friction sets in.

You start to feel out of alignment, yet you can’t quite explain why. You sense that something isn’t right, yet you keep functioning anyway. You feel the pull to change, alongside a resistance you don’t fully understand. That tension doesn’t disappear on its own.

It tends to show up as:

• low-level anxiety

• irritability or emotional reactivity

• fatigue that rest doesn’t resolve

• a sense of being “off” without a clear reason

Not because you’re failing, rather because you’re trying to live from an identity that no longer matches where you are.

The Question That Changes Everything

Most people ask the wrong question at this stage.

They ask:
What should I do?
How do I get past this?
What’s the next step?

The more useful question is quieter, and often avoided:

What is no longer true for me even if I’m still living as though it is?

This question doesn’t give quick answers. However, it does something more important: it stops the cycle from repeating. When you allow yourself to notice what is loosening, rather than rushing to replace it, the discomfort begins to make sense. It stops being something to escape and becomes something to understand. And understanding is what allows real change to take root.

Letting the Discomfort Do Its Work

Growth that lasts is rarely dramatic. It’s made up of small, honest recognitions:

• noticing where you override yourself

• noticing what drains you without obvious reason

• noticing where you keep reverting to old patterns out of habit

These moments don’t announce themselves as breakthroughs, they arrive as quiet realisations. And if you don’t make space for them, they pass unnoticed. However if you do, if you let yourself stay with the discomfort long enough to hear what it’s pointing to, something begins to shift organically. Not through force. Not through pressure. Rather through alignment.

Before You Move On

If you’re reading this and recognising yourself, there’s nothing you need to rush into. However, there is something worth sitting with:

What are you currently tolerating, repeating, or carrying that no longer feels true, even if it once did?

You don’t need an answer immediately. However, paying attention to the question changes how the next stage unfolds. And that, more than anything, is what prevents growth from becoming another loop back to the familiar.

If this reflection connects with something you’ve been noticing in yourself, you may find the Energy Boundaries course supportive at this stage.