stepping out, staying in, retreating back

Your comfort zone… that big soft, squidgy armchair in your mind that supports, comforts, and holds you safe; that warm safe cocoon where familiarity rules and everything feels predictable.

Our comfort zone is essential to our existence. It’s the place we all retreat to when we need that sense of security and safety, when we need to recharge and regain balance in life.

It provides emotional stability during times when life feels overwhelming, it’s the place where we can recover and recharge, mentally, from the exhaustion and overwhelm of the challenges and opportunities we experience outside of it.

In moderation, staying in your comfort zone can help you maintain mental health and focus. From this perspective it’s a blessing. However, when over-relied upon, it can stifle your growth and keep you from achieving your potential, something that can turn it into a barrier in your life and to your success.

Like with everything in life, finding a balance between stepping out (growth) and staying in (recharge) is key; living entirely outside your comfort zone is not sustainable, just as staying within it forever can limit your life. It’s, therefore, important to know when to retreat to your comfort zone for rest and when to step out to grow. By expanding your comfort zone gradually, you can make the unfamiliar feel familiar and grow into new opportunities without overwhelming yourself.

How do you know when you should step out of your comfort zone and when you should stay inside its confines or retreat back into it?

Well, you should step out of your comfort zone when staying in it holds you back from growth, opportunities, or fulfillment. For example:

When you feel stuck or bored - if your routine feels repetitive, unchallenging, or uninspiring, it’s probably time for a change. Growth happens when you try new things and to try new things, you need to step out of your comfort zone and into the zone of magic and miracles that lies beyond it.

When fear or self-doubt is getting in the way - if you’re avoiding opportunities because you're afraid of failure, rejection, losing control, or the unknown, then stepping out of your comfort zone can actually help build confidence and resilience. You’ve heard the phrase, “feel the fear and do it anyway”? That encapsulates the importance of stepping out of, rather than staying put in, your comfort zone.

When you have a goal or dream you wish to achieve – goals and dreams, by definition, are there to push us and encourage us to grow. It’s impossible to set a goal or look to achieve a dream that does not need us to grow, learn or achieve something new or different. And that means you can never achieve a goal or dream, no matter how small or big, if you stay stuck in your comfort zone.  

When those around you are stepping out of their comfort zones – you’ve heard about the concept of “keeping up with the Joneses” where you aim to have the same objects and do the same things as your friends and neighbours. It’s believed that it we can stay on par with those around us, we will be seen as being as good as those we wish to be in the company of. When you’re in an environment where others are evolving and growing, stepping up will help you keep pace and will enable you to take advantage of the new opportunities that cross your path. Where the idea of “keeping up with the Joneses” isn’t always seen in the best light from a materialistic point of view, when it comes to growth outside your comfort zone, it can (and usually does) take on a more positive light.

When staying comfortable is more risky than pursuing change – if your comfort zone is limiting your potential and restricting your growth, then it’s time to step outside. For example, if the relationship or job you’re in no longer fulfils you or meets your needs and desires, “better the devil you know” is not the adage to live your life by.

These are some great arguments and encouragements for stepping out of your comfort zone, so much so you might be lured into believing that constantly stepping out of your comfort zone should be the new norm if, that is, you want to grow, to achieve, to reach your true potential.

However, if you push yourself to live outside your comfort zone on a continuous basis, you may find that it’s every bit as harmful as staying stuck inside. Remember, balance is key. To highlight what can happen when you force yourself to remain outside your comfort zone continuously and so to encourage you not to, here are a few things you may experience as a result.

Burnout and exhaustion - constantly pushing yourself into new challenges without rest can lead to mental, emotional, energetic, spiritual, and physical exhaustion. Growth requires effort, that’s true. However, recovery is every bit as important.

Increased stress and anxiety – when you step out of your comfort, you’re stepping away from familiarity and predictability, and that naturally brings with it an element of stress. The positive form of stress, eustress, is good for us as it has a beneficial effect on our health and it improves our motivation, performance, and emotional well-being. Eustress, for example a job promotion, helps release endorphins in our system, the feel-good chemicals. However, Greek storyteller, Aesop, was right in saying, “It is possible to have too much of a good thing” when we consider eustress because if you experience stress, even eustress, for too long or too often or too much, it can quickly turn into negative stress, distress, which will lead to chronic anxiety and decreased performance.

Lack of stability and security - if you’re always in the unknown, you might begin to feel unanchored or overwhelmed, making it hard to focus and make clear decisions. The comfort zone provides an important sense of security, routine and familiarity, all necessary for clearing your head, thinking clearly, and making the right and best choices and decisions.

Decreased productivity and focus - when you’re constantly exposed to new, challenging situations, your brain is continuously adapting, working hard to process unfamiliar information, developing new skills, and adjusting to changing circumstances. While this can be beneficial for growth and learning, it also requires a significant amount of mental energy. Without moments of comfort and stability, your brain does not have the necessary time to properly absorb and consolidate what it has learned. Instead of retaining knowledge effectively, you may find yourself overwhelmed, struggling to connect new concepts with existing ones, or failing to apply your skills in a meaningful way.

Failure to integrate growth - pushing boundaries and stepping outside your comfort zone is essential for growth, as it challenges you to develop new skills, gain fresh perspectives, and build resilience. However, real progress and growth do not come from constant movement alone; they happen when you take the time to absorb, reflect on, and refine your experiences. Without these moments of consolidation, learning can become superficial, and progress may feel more like a series of disconnected leaps rather than a steady and meaningful journey. Living outside your comfort zone all the time can, therefore, prevent you from fully mastering anything because you are always in a state of adaptation rather than deep understanding.

Now you understand and appreciate when you should step outside your comfort zone yet why it’s important to not over-stay your welcome in that challenging zone of growth and opportunity, how do you know when you should step back into your comfort zone again?

Well, again, there are some cues to look out for. For example:

When you need stability and recovery - If you're going through stressful life events, such as illness, burnout, or emotional distress, staying in your comfort zone can provide the stability and rest needed to recover before taking on new challenges. Choosing to push yourself during such challenging times can actually lead to further exhaustion and make it even harder to regain your strength. Your comfort zone, offering familiarity, routine, and a sense of control, can be incredibly beneficial when life feels overwhelming.

When you’re in the growth phase of a new challenge/opportunity - after stepping out of your comfort zone and learning something new, it’s important to take time to reinforce and refine those skills. Returning to your comfort zone for a while allows you to practice, build confidence, and deepen your understanding. Mastery comes from repetition and consistency, which are difficult to achieve when you’re constantly pushing yourself and moving on to new challenges. Giving yourself the space to fully integrate what you’ve learned ensures that your progress will be solid and long-lasting, and once you feel truly comfortable and proficient, you’ll be better prepared to take on the next challenge with a stronger foundation.

When you’ve found genuine fulfilment - if your current situation makes you happy and fulfilled, there’s no need to constantly chase change. Growth is great, however contentment is valuable too. It’s important to experience that contentment; it doesn’t last forever. As time progresses, it’s natural to seek new growth. When that desire arises, contentment tends to fade and the desire for new growth, new challenges encourages you back out of your comfort zone again. Contentment, whilst temporary, is important as, as it begins to wane it creates the motivation to seek new contentment.

When you’re preparing to take a bigger step later - there are times when strategic patience is essential, as rushing into new challenges without preparation can lead to unnecessary setbacks or overwhelm. Staying in your comfort zone for a period allows you to gather the necessary resources, develop a solid foundation, and build the confidence needed to take on bigger opportunities successfully. Instead of seeing comfort as a limitation, it can be viewed as a valuable phase of preparation where you can refine your skills, strengthen your mindset, and ensure you are truly ready for the next step. By using this time wisely to plan, reflect, and grow at a steady pace, you set yourself up for long-term success rather than taking impulsive risks that may not be sustainable.

We’ve established that, whilst it’s important to regularly and consistently step outside your comfort zone in order to embrace growth so you lead a fulfilling life, we’ve also learned that it’s important to know when you should stay in your safe comfort zone and when, also, you should retreat back to it.

When you take a step back and think about it logically, it’s relatively simple to understand when you should be and stay outside and when you should be and stay inside your comfort zone; it really is a matter of common sense. However, when you’re in the thick of a challenge outside your comfort zone or bored to tears because you’ve delayed your departure and become too comfortable inside, it can be challenging to know when to retreat back in or when to give yourself the kick up the proverbial and force yourself to head outside into the unknown.

Again, it’s all about balance. A healthy cycle tends to comprise of 3 phases:

1.     Staying inside your comfort zone when you need to rest and recharge

2.     Stepping outside the comfort zone when it’s time to embrace a challenge or opportunity so you can grow

3.     Enter the comfort zone to master the new skills, learnings, growth associated with the challenge/opportunity you’ve experienced outside your comfort zone and to re-establish stability and recharge your batteries before stepping out again.

When you enter phase two and stay there for a while, embracing the new challenge/opportunity that meets you, your comfort zone gradually begins to grow and expand until it encapsulates you. This means that phase three is more of an absorption of you by your new larger and more mature comfort zone, than you a returning of you to the smaller zone that it once was.