Chances are high that before you even read this, I will have already boarded a plane flying to N Ireland to visit my family.
It's been more than 3 years and 2 months since I last met up with my parents, sister and her family. So, it's a trip I've been looking forward to for a long while. However, it's also a trip I've been dreading for a few reasons.
The first reason is because I'm leaving the bunnies behind.
I haven't been away from Bobo since November 2019. And Olaf hasn't known me to be away for more than a few hours, maximum, since he joined our family in October.
With the passing of Forrest last September, Bobo's grief and health struggles ever since, and Olaf currently ill... the fear that I can feel in every cell of my body knowing I'm going to be away from them for a few days, feels like it's eating me up.
The second reason is because I don't like traveling anymore, especially by plane. Or, more accurately, my body doesn't like such travels, at least when they first start. Mentally and emotionally, I don't mind them.
I used to love traveling and, when I worked in corporate, always enjoyed disappearing for short city breaks whenever I could.
But then I was disagnosed with Crohn's. And my body has since become a lot more sensitive to stressful situations (even though I never thought traveling was stressful) and has, over the last few years, become a lot more 'vocal' about how it feels.
Traveling to N Ireland is well and truly pushing me out of my comfort zone. For over 3 years I was protected by Covid and couldn't travel. Since first organising to travel to N Ireland last August, I have done nothing but made it challenging and impossible for me to travel.
I have re-arranged my flight more than once because something came up that prevented me traveling.
A few days before I was first due to travel in August, I discovered (thankfully) that my residency paperwork for Austria didn't reflect the new post -Brexit requirements. If I'd have traveled I may have been denied entry back into Austria.
The second time I re-organised the trip, the night before, Bobo fell seriously ill and there was no way I would leave him, especially after so unexpectedly losing Forrest a few weeks prior.
So I postponed and re-arranged my trip another time, for a month later.
However, a month later, the same thing happened - Bobo fell ill and I couldn't bring myself to travel.
So, again, I re-arranged my trip and this time I chose to wait, to let everything settle. I chose to postpone for more than just a month and go back in time for my Mum's birthday (which is tomorrow).
And even now, since the beginning of the year the bunnies have been ill, Bobo at the start of the year and Olaf more recently.
You might be tempted to say life's thrown quite some crap at me recently. Perhaps I'm not meant to travel.
But I would say that it's been me, and only me, who has created the too many current curveballs in my life that have prevented me from traveling until now. And even now, with Olaf being still ill (though getting better), you could still say I'm continuing to create curveballs.
My dread and fear of traveling after over 3 years has been stronger than my desire to travel. And, so, I have created situations that have made it too challenging for me to travel and, so, I kept postponing. The saddest thing is that in creating a reality that has stopped me from traveling, I have hurt two of the most special, loving and sensitive beings in my life - my bunnies.
Since we were, as my Dad would say, not even the height of two daisies, we have been creating our own reality. Yet our vision of our own reality, at best, is one sided - when something good happens that you hoped to happen and focused on making happen, you take credit for manifesting it.
However, we are manifesting our reality all the time, not just the good things. We are manifesting everything - the good, the bad, and the ugly.
And yet how many of us take responsibility for manifesting the bad and the ugly?
Mostly we blame outside forces such as another person, circumstances, life, the economy, the government... and so on.
If you take credit for manifesting the good in your life (well, hopefully you do and don't believe it just happens by chance), then you should be taking responsibility for the bad and ugly that happens in your life. Because it's only when we take responsibility for it do we have the power to change it.
Last week, when the vet, my husband and I were desperately trying to work out why Olaf was ill... and seemingly getting nowhere, it was very tempting for me to postpone my trip to N Ireland another time.
However, postponing this trip again, I felt, was actually encouraging me to fall into victimhood. It's not that I don't appreciate that my energy of dread, fear and worry about my upcoming trip hasn't physically and negatively impacted both Bobo and Olaf, it's that this could too easily become a pattern and habit in our lives; a pattern and habit that needs to be broken, if nothing else, for the health of our bunnies.
And that's actually why, when I was re-arranging this trip back in October, I planned it to coincide with my Mum's birthday. I had been unable to travel in recent years during Covid so I didn't get to celebrate either my Dad's or my Mum's 80th birthdays, in person. So being present for my Mum's 82nd birthday is really important for me, and for her. And I know letting her down would really hurt her.
So, I have traveled.
Rather than postponing out of fear because Olaf is still unwell, I have regained my faith and trust in the Universe and the angels that they will care for Olaf for his highest good, while I am away. And, of course, I also have my husband who has chosen to work from home while I'm away so he can care for the bunnies too.
When you realise that you manifest everything in your life, you gain a sense of power. The challenging part can be working out how and why you've created the reality you have and, if you're not happy with it, how to break the pattern. Sometimes, like in my case, it's easy to see what you've been doing, sometimes it's more challenging.
However, the important first step is to understand, accept and appreciate that you create your own reality and that it doesn't happen by chance.