I convinced myself that I was a reforming people pleaser and to a degree I am. However, after a recent experience I realised I have a long way to go before I can, if ever, become a fully reformed people pleaser.
“What is a people pleaser?”, you might be asking.
Well, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary a people pleaser is, “a person who has an emotional need to please others often at the expense of his or her own needs or desires.”
Sounds a bit harsh, doesn’t it?
However, if you are a people pleaser (or a reforming one like me) you will recognise yourself in that description and you’ll instantly be able to recount many times when you agreed to do something, be something, say something to help others and, as a result, you were placing your needs and your actual desire to say ‘no’ at the bottom of the priority list.
At times, as a people pleaser, you may even agree to something that will lead to you getting hurt, emotionally, mentally, or, dare I say, physically.
Placing others before yourself is never a good place to be and yet so many of us do it every single day.
Well, the primary trait lies within your nature.
For someone to be a people pleaser you have to have a genuine, compassionate nature. Whilst it’s great to be compassionate towards others and empathetic because you greatly care about those around you, it does tend to mean that you’re not that great at taking care of the #1 person in your life – you.
Like I said already, I thought I was (and to a degree will still say I am) a reforming people pleaser because I am learning more and more to put myself first.
However, it wasn’t until a recent experience that I realised I have a very long way still to travel on this journey of reformation and transformation.
Every 8 weeks I attend the hospital to receive an infusion to help control my Crohn’s Disease. And my most recent infusion happened last week.
The doctor inserting the IV line for the infusion was one I had never met before, so I gave him my usual line “You have only 2 chances. After that I walk.”
It might be difficult to imagine but I have such a fear of needles and my body can usually tolerate 2 attempts before it begins to go into panic mode.
The first attempt failed.
The second attempt failed.
And I didn’t stick to my word. I didn’t walk.
Instead, I let the doctor continue.
Even though I knew by that stage he wouldn’t find a vein (they’d all already run away and hid), even though I knew he wasn’t capable of inserting the IV line, I still let him continue to hurt me because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him the truth – that he simply was capable.
I put his feelings before my pain
Now that’s a serious issue.
To allow yourself to be hurt by another, whether it’s physically, emotionally, or mentally because their desires, their feelings are deemed more important that yours… that some messed-up crap.
And so he continued…
The third attempt failed.
And so did the fourth, by which stage my body finally stepped in and yelled, “enough!” so loudly I couldn’t continue to ignore it. When asked how I was feeling, I was honest and said I felt I was about to faint and wanted to vomit.
Finally, I had mustered up the courage to say, “This isn’t working. I can’t let you continue.”
So, we arranged a new appointment for the following week and went to inform the nurse who administers the drugs.
However, the nurse had other ideas. She had already prepared the drugs and was not prepared to let the doctor (or me) wash approximately 1000Euros worth of drugs down the drain.
I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place. There was no way I could get out of receiving my infusion that day without a lot of hassle and possible serious financial repercussions.
So, I decided to be honest and advised everyone that there was no way anyone, not even the best needle-pusher, would be able to find a willing vein in my body at that moment. I asked for an hour to calm down, walk it off (or should I say ‘cry it off’) and I’d return.
When the doctor agreed and returned to his office, I quickly told the nurse that there was no way I was letting that doctor near my body. The only way I was agreeing to this was if someone capable inserted the IV line.
And still, in acting that way, in waiting until the doctor left the scene, I was people pleasing. I waited until the doctor had gone and I couldn’t offend him with my honesty before I opened up fully and honestly with the nurse.
In the end I did receive my infusion after the 6th attempt to insert the IV line.
That’s what it’s like being a people pleaser.
You allow yourself to be hurt and get hurt because you don’t want to hurt or offend another person. You place yourself at the bottom of the priority list. And you can, at times, place yourself in harm’s way.
What kind of message is that sending out to the Universe?
The wrong kind of message, that’s what.
You’re basically saying, “Universe, look after every single other being on this planet and only if you have time and resources leftover, you can send them my way” when in fact you should be saying, “Universe, I’m #1 in my life. Please send everything I need and want my way so I can look after myself first and then, in turn, help others around me.”
Being a people pleaser is horrible, especially when you know you’re doing it and can’t seem to stop. That’s why I turned this week to the angels for guidance and advice on this. Because I know I’m not the only person with people pleasing tendencies. And that means that I’m not the only person who isn’t shining their light as brightly as they should and could.
If you are a (reforming) people pleasing like me and you would like divine and angelic guidance on how you can reduce your people pleasing tendencies, then click the button below to watch the preview and download this beneficial and intuitive reading.