I was on a group call recently and our mentor was creating some EFT (emotional freedom technique) scripts for us to tap along with. One of the scripts wasn't resonating with me so, whilst I tapped I didn't repeat all of the wording - I simply tapped, mostly in silence, as my way of supporting the lady for whom the script was being created.
And then we came to the final phrases in the script and one of them was "I am so loved". As I heard that phrase and as I spoke that phrase, I could feel a wave of emotion rise up within me and I couldn't hold back the tears. They weren't tears of sadness, they were tears of overwhelming realisation and gratitude.
You see, my soul path, walking alongside the angels, has not always been the smoothest of journeys. There have been more times than I care to remember where I truly felt I was abandoned by the angels. I had felt I was doing all that they were inviting me to do: I was showing up, I was shining my light, I knew I was walking my soul path with purpose and yet, at the same time, I felt I wasn't achieving anything. I still struggled to attract souls I knew I could help and support as they walked their own soul path, I still struggled with the energy of money, I felt my voice was never heard and my presence was invisible. And it simply never made any sense to me. I was giving so much and felt I was receiving so little in return. The energetic scales felt very imbalanced.
Then the coronavirus made its presence known in our world. And it felt to me that the world, the human world, simply fell apart as people drowned in fear and panic. People, peers, leaders I had looked up to, succumbed to the fear as they spread the negativity that seemed to be flooding social media. People, peers, leaders I had looked up to, seemed to suddenly lose their way, carried along with the tide of fear that was rising. People, peers, leaders I had looked up to seemed dumbstruck by this new world and rather than raising their voices and sharing messages of hope and positivity, stayed silent.
And, yet, here I was swimming against the flow and actually feeling excited and grateful for the coronavirus.
And that really got me thinking, that really got me looking inward and questioning my very soul. I felt guilty and insensitive. Whilst the rest of the world seemed to be falling apart, I was calm about the today and excited about the tomorrow.
What was wrong with me?
It was that very question that opened my floodgates of realisation and gratitude, which came to a head with the phrase "I am so loved".
As I looked inward, searching for an answer to that question, the only answer that I heard, over and over again, was "nothing". There was nothing wrong with me. So, why then, was I not feeling the fear and joining the panic?
And the phrase "I am so loved" explained everything to me.
By coincidence, earlier that same day, the day I had the group call, I had really been questioning my sanity and (in)sensitivity and had taken time out to sit quietly in an attempt to understand that if there was nothing wrong with me, what had happened so I didn't flow along with the overwhelming emotions of fear and panic.
And slowly, piece by piece, I could see the jigsaw of the past few years slot into place. A jigsaw which, in fairness, goes back further than I even realise. For me I can slot into place pieces dating as far back as 5 years ago, but I reckon this is only half the picture.
For now I want to focus on the last 12 months because it's been over the last 12 months that things really gathered momentum, even though I was oblivious to it all... until now.
Twelve months ago I was miserable. I had a handmade skincare business that I had loved, handmade products that I had loved but which, it felt, no-one else loved. Everything was a struggle. Everyday I rolled out of bed feeling heavy and disgruntled before the day even began. And, before long, I found myself standing at a crossroads. The latest batch of products I had made were quickly reaching their best before date and I was faced with either committing to my business for another year and making a fresh batch of products, or closing the doors.
The thought of making a fresh batch of products and committing to a business that was, by now, starting to feel like a weight around my neck, made me feel physically ill. I knew I just couldn't do it. So I decided to close the doors.
For a few years prior to reaching this crossroads, something had awakened inside me and I began to walk a more spiritual path guided by the angels, whom I had begun to talk to and work with each and everyday. I felt more aligned with this side of me and began to believe that, perhaps, working with angels was my true soul path. I wanted to see if my intuition was right and, so, when I decided to close the doors on my business, I decided to price everything at £11.11, an angel number which means being one with the Universe and angels.
I changed all my prices, announced my closing down sale on the Friday, and by the Monday everything had been sold. I was dumbstruck. Never before had I been able to sell so many products in such a short period of time, no matter how generous a discount I had offered. I felt uplifted and I truly felt one with the Universe. For me, it was confirmation that I had made the right decision.
And, so I began walking, what I truly believe is, my soul path, working with the angels.
After a few months, I then started to feel very drawn to slowly opening up and start sharing blogposts that, I knew, might make some people feel uncomfortable. As I was walking my journey with the angels, my lifestyle and habits had become more and more important and I felt I was being encouraged to share some of it with others. Slowly, I started to write about my choice, a few years earlier, to stop eating meating. I started to write about why I chose to stop eating meat and how I felt about our general treatment of animals in the world, as well as openly sharing messages I was receiving form the angels as I meditated. I also shared how upset and angry I felt with myself, one day, when I failed to give love to a calf that I knew, in my heart, was crying out for comfort. My behaviour and lack of action ate me up inside.
Jump another few months forward and the fires in the Amazon, California, Alaska, and, in particular, Australia caught my attention, like they did many in the world. But I felt there was more to the situation than forest fires. I felt there was a bigger message trying to come to the surface. But I wasn't sure what it was until early this year when the snow failed to reach the valleys of Switzerland. Since we have lived here, every year by the end of January, we have had snow in the valleys. This year there was nothing. And it got me thinking and joining some dots. I felt convinced that the fires on the other side of the world had impacted the weather on my side of the world and I was very concerned. I knew it was a wake-up call from Mother Nature and I shared my concerns. At the same time, however, I felt that my concerns and feelings were falling on deaf ears. I felt that a few people resonated with it, but not enough so that we could encourage people to change their relationship with Mother Nature and her animal kingdom.
Early this year, also, I felt very drawn to change my diet. I had been meat-free for some time now but it felt my body needed more. So I chose to embark on a self-created diet of juicing and souping. I had tried juicing last year, but found it challenging and my body didn't respond easily to it. So, though I had continued to juice, my juices were starting to include more fruits than vegetables. They were becoming more like smoothies.
And I was okay with that. But I felt my body needed more support, more healing and, so, I decided to try a week (or two) drinking a smoothie for breakfast, one for lunch and making soup for dinner, because I wanted to reduce my dairy and gluten intake, as well as cut down on the carbohydrates that I knew were empty of nutrition and not serving my body. My goal was to eat the foods that Mother Earth provides, not the food that man is manipulating.
As I write this blogpost, it's now ten weeks since I started this new regime and my body feels amazing. Even before the first week was over, I was out hiking and told my husband "I feel healthy inside". It's a sensation and feeling I struggle to explain to people but it is something I have only felt occasionally since 2006 when I was first diagnosed with Crohn's/Colitis. Removing meat from my diet, whilst it was driven by ethics, was not enough to return health to my body. I had to return to an eating pattern that was fueled by Mother Nature. Not only has this left me feeling healthy for the first time in years, I've also found that, more often than not, I naturally waken at or just after 5am, feeling refreshed and alert. A far cry from the days when I either struggled to sleep through the night or felt exhausted when morning arrived. As I have felt my mind was becoming more healthy, alongside my body, I have chosen to spend the time I have between waking and my regular alarm, meditating, rather than just lying in bed waiting for the rest of my world to waken up.
This is all very nice but what's it got to do with the phrase "I am so loved", with the coronavirus, and with feeling abandoned by the angels so many times since I first started out on my spiritual journey a few years ago?
Over the last few years as I have been walking my spiritual journey, I have been listening more with my heart than with my head and, when I've felt drawn to do something, I've just done it. However, it didn't always feel like my listening and acting was 'paying off' and on many an occasion I genuinely felt alone and abandoned by the angels. I was following their breadcrumbs and yet I felt I was denied a piece of the pie. I was giving so much and yet receiving so little.
Now, here today, I can look back and see just how much I was receiving, without being aware of it. The angels were placing these breadcrumbs before me because "I am so loved". They were preparing me for what was to come (ie the coronavirus) so the wave of fear and panic wouldn't strike me down; so I could continue to share the messages I had already begun to share before the coronavirus arrived; so I could see that what's happening in the world today is much bigger than a virus, rather it's an invitation for humanity, as a whole, to open our eyes and change our ways so we can return to living in harmony with Mother Nature and the animal kingdom; so that I could continue to be the quiet voice of reason and positivity amongst the loud and heavy vibrations of anger and fear. Not only that, the angels have been preparing me physically because, I know I haven't yet fulfilled my purpose here on earth. I have so much more to give and cannot let a weakened or suppressed immune system, thanks to Crohn's/Colitis, jeopardise my journey along my soul path.
And that's why the phrase "I am so loved" overwhelmed me with realisation and gratitude. Suddenly my eyes were opened and I could see that the breadcrumbs I have been following over the last months and years have guided me to where I need to be today, to be the person I need to be today, to be the voice I need to speak today.
I was never abandoned by the angels. I just couldn't see the full journey ahead of me. And that's okay. What's important was that, even in times when I doubted their support, I followed the breadcrumbs. I never gave up. And now today I can marvel at each and every step the angels encouraged me to take. Today I feel so grateful that I am so loved.
Here's the thing. I'm no more special than anyone else. We are all one and the same. Each and every one of us is loved, unconditionally, by the angels and the Universe/Source/Divinity, I've just realised how much I'm loved, supported and guided.
What does make each of us different, special and unique, however, is our reason for being here on earth, our reason for walking our own personal soul path. And I invite you to embrace your soul purpose and walk your soul path in the knowledge that, should you ask, you are being guided. Follow those breadcrumbs, take one step at a time. You don't need to to know where your path will take you. However, when you get a chance to glimpse back and put some of the pieces of your jigsaw into place, marvel at the picture that you see being unveiled before you.
While you walk your soul path, let me help, support and guide you through the messages delivered from the angels to you, through me. Let us, together, find ways around the obstacles you may, and will, encounter on your journey. Let us, together, shine you light brightly so you can inspire and guide others.
If you feel the pull to walk your soul path but don't yet know your soul purpose or what walking your soul path will entail, let me support and guide you also, through the messages delivered from the angels to you, through me. Together we can reveal your path, one step at a time. Together we can find ways round the obstacles that try to stand in your way. Together we can brighten your light so you can become a source of inspiration to others.
At the moment, the world needs people like you who are open to walking your soul path and fulfil your soul purpose. At the moment the world needs people like you who are willing to shine your light and guide, lead, and inspire others. If this is you, then I, and the angels, are here for you.