It was another 4am wake up this morning.
Again nausea... but not quite as bad as yesterday.
So I'm lying in bed trying to work out if this is the onset of an infection or, let's tackle the elephant in the room, if it could actually be as a result of juicing all week.
My head and my heart are running round in circles.
Part of me wants it to be an infection because then that would mean that juicing is good and can still be the answer to my prayers - to get off all my drugs and reverse my dis-eases.
But then I hear this voice in my head screaming at me: "Would you really prefer another infection that lands you in hospital for weeks that the medics can't get under control? Do you really have so little respect for your life that you would prefer this than not be able to juice?!?!?"
So I start Googling "juicing and nausea" and it seems that it's quite common. It's just not something you hear much about because everyone wants to share success stories. And, yeah, I much prefer to read success stories too. They give you energy. They give you a boost, especially when you're about to embark on such a drastic lifestyle change, even if it is for just a week or a month.
So I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that it's probably the juicing that's making me nauseous.
And then my mind kicks in and starts reminding me why I embarked on this challenge in the first place: to get off my drugs, reverse my dis-eases and start to enjoy a truly healthy life. The pressure (and excitement) of attaining that dream is more than I can explain.
And suddenly, the bottom falls out of my world.
And I go into freefall.
Because suddenly I'm faced with failing juicing, failing at healing myself, just simply failing.
And that's just horrible to come face to face with.
Then comes temptation.
The tempation to push through the nausea and get through to the other side. Because, after all, it's probable that the nausea might continue for a few days but then my body will get used to the whole new juicing lifestyle. Right?
That's when my heart took over and reminded me about self-respect, self-awareness and all the selfs that contribute towards living a life of self-love.
My body's sensitive when it comes to food. And it's intelligent. There have been times when I've just put something in my mouth and my body has immediately reacted by flushing everything out (even before the offending food in my mouth has even had time to be fully digested).
So when my sensitive and intelligent body is feeling nauseous as a result of something I'm eating (or drinking), I have to respectively treat that as some kind of warning signal. To turn competitive and decide to push through this sensation is doing my body an injustice and could leave me worse off. It's so important to listen and act on the signals and warnings our bodies give us. That's showing your body love. That's showing yourself love.
You see, self-love isn't all about bubble baths and pampering. Sometimes self-love can be tough love. When your head is urging you to push through but your body and heart are telling you not, you've got to listen to your body and heart.
So does this mean the end of my juicing journey?
This evening was supposed to be the introduction of a "Weekend Special" smoothie (I've tried it before and it tastes divine!)... a bit like a reward and a treat for all the dedication and juicing you've done.
So I've decided to relish that treat (think bananas, almond milk, manuka honey, tahini, and cocoa powder), only have it this morning after a ginger shot. And I'll probably do the same tomorrow. I need to thank my body and give it a chance to recover and heal (hopefully the ginger shot will help with that as ginger's really good for nausea).
Then, hopefully, Monday I can embark on my own personal juicing journey, one that's adapted to meet the sensitivities of my body.
So rather than take on a marathon without training my body, I'm going to train my body before taking on the marathon (which in hindsight makes so much more sense!). My plan will be to start with one juice a day and then gradually, as and when I feel my body is ready, increase that to two juices and so on. I still want to complete the 28-day challenge because I truly believe that it can change my health and lifestyle. But I'll do it in tune with my body.
When I started this week, I never imagined in a hundred years that a juice challenge would turn into a lesson in self-love. But it has. Funny how life rolls, isn't it?
On the plus side, my non-psoriasis skin is so much smoother and healthier and I am 2kg lighter.